A Demon's Heart

Last Tuesday Mia poured out her soul out to everyone explaining why she decided to step back from A Demon's Heart. Today I share my choice on what to do with this project. It's with a lot of thought, consideration, and discussion with people I trust most, that I have come to the choice to shelf A Demon's Heart until further notice. I'll break down my reasoning for you.

Personal: This is a project that Mia and I started on together, it was supposed to end that way. I do not feel right putting only my name on it and being the only one to profit from it. I don't feel that it's morally right, nor do I feel that Mia doesn't deserve to be on the cover. There was a lot of thought and debate that went into the pros and cons of what doing that would be.

Business: Before Mia had come to me to discuss the future of A Demon's Heart, I had brought up that I wanted to switch it to my other name. A.L. Kessler because it fit that branding better. However, the release date that I was working on for A Demon's Heart would come right after I released another first book in a series. (Which puts me up to 3 Series under that name) I felt that I could not do ADH justice by adding it as another series under that name, especially with releasing it so close to the other one.

Conclusion: ADH is being shelved. I'm not giving up on it completely. I will probably pull it out some type next year and see if it's still relevant and see what Mia wants to do with it. This was not an easy choice to come to, but I feel that it is a right one. I respect Mia's choice. My two biggest disappointments coming out from this was: it was my first truly co-written book and I was excited to see how it would have done and that it was my second attempt at something for SPE. (In Black and White (now Black and White Desires) was my first, but because of contracts, EC picked it up.)

SPE will continue as normal next Wednesday.

Know When To Walk Away

Sometimes we have to make hard decisions. Tough choices that hurt or might hurt others. It’s one of the suckiest things about being an adult, but it has to be done. It is what it is. It sucks, sometimes you want to cling so tightly to something because it is a part of you, but if you step back you realize that this idea you are holding onto might do better without you... So you have to move on, let it go, and realize that everything is going to be okay... Everything is going to be okay.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to break out in song like some inspirational Disney movie. Just busting out some hard self-truths. When I was little one of my favorite songs was The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. 1978’s wisdom still rings true today.

“You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away and know when to run
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealing's done”

I don’t like to give up, I try not to make it a habit, but there are times when you gotta know when to walk away. I have been working on a project co-writing A Demon’s Heart with Alexandra, we’ve talked about it here occasionally so it would be shady if I didn’t address the changes that are taking place behind the scenes and what has changed for the book.

Full Transparency:

We started this project as our NaNoWriMo project last November. The main male character was a character I’ve wanted to write for a long time. I have a huge obsession with the last Russian Royal Family, Rasputin is by far one of my all time favorite real-life villains, and I was excited to tell their sides of a story that I have had bits and pieces of floating around in my head for years. But 10 days into November my world fell apart. Quite literally the life I had known for 12 years came crumbling down one Sunday morning. Life shattered and the other half of my heart walked out of my house in handcuffs.

I cried a lot. And no, I’m not going into all the details of what happened then or what is happening now. But I am explaining this so that you will maybe somewhat understand where my head has been for the past six months. Those first few weeks were complete chaos and fear. I had no idea what I was going to do, how my kids and I were going to survive while the rest of our lives were held in limbo. I couldn’t write. I had been working on two projects: Steamworks and A Demon’s Heart, and dabbling in Waking Up In Chains when all of this happened. Every time I opened scrivener to try to work on them afterwards my hands would shake, full on panic attack would set in, I would just look at the screen, cry and hyperventilate.

But I am prideful. I am a people-pleaser. Co-dependent. Whatever you want to call it. So starting in mid-December through February I pushed myself to try to help finish ADH with Alexandra, but behind my computer screen I was a mere robot and in order to get any words out for this story I had to simply cut off my emotions and the end result (from my prospective) is a very forced and unfocused piece of writing on my end (and I am only speaking about the parts I wrote and how I feel about it). It was hard, my head wasn’t in the right place. If this were a solo project I would just shelve it because it’s too raw of a pain for me to look at, but this is a co-writing project, therefore shelving it isn’t an option.

The only option (for me) was to look at what was best for this project and for Alexandra. My decision was to take my name off of it. A lot can be fixed in editing but all in all, me not being attached to this project is what is best because I can not heal if I have to constantly look back at what I was working on when my old life came tumbling down. It just rips the scab off of the wound and starts to bleed again.

My life being in shambles wasn’t the only reason I made my decision. I also feel like I don’t have enough fans to help drive sales, this type of book will benefit being under one author’s name and a name that has more of a following. That’s just smart marketing tactics. Some readers of one author might have too much of an emotional attachment to their “author” and wouldn’t want to dip their toes into something new. We all know that feeling, you have your favorite pair of shoes, they are comfy and broken in, it almost feels wrong to slip your feet into some new, unknown pair. Secondly, because of my robot-state I don’t feel like I contributed much to the story, sure the Alexei parts and Rasputin parts are there but all in all, I don’t feel like my contribution deserves my name on the cover or any part of the profits. And third, the books POV should be considered. And that is everything I took into consideration, but mostly, it was how I feel, in my heart. This project is just too much for me to deal with while I am still mentally healing and sorting out this new life which to be honest comes with a steep learning curve for everyone involved.

Now other changes that will happen I will leave to Alexandra to explain if she wants to, as is fitting, this is her ship to sail and that is her project.

I am sad, sad that my vision of character ideas I’ve had for a long time won’t be mine, but one day when the past doesn’t hurt I suppose I can look back at that and maybe enjoy the fact that there are bits and pieces of me that might have remained (after some heavy editing LOL). So bottom line is: Sometimes you gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away, and know when to run.

So this is me “folding” for now. Other projects (ones started while my head and heart have gotten a bit clearer) are in the works. I have not given up on writing. But I am smart enough to recognize when something isn’t good for my soul. And right now, in this moment, this project isn’t good for my soul. And in related news, Steamworks is shelved indefinitely. My path isn’t set in stone and can’t be defined by what other people choose to do. I walk my own path and sometimes that path needs to be cleared of the rubble and debris; and other times I have to veer off that path and start blazing a new one.

If there is one thing I hope you take away from this post it is this: Do what is best for you. Find your bliss, follow your heart, but don't get so bogged down by "what you think you should be doing" that you make choices that aren't in your best interest. Be brave enough to be kind to yourself. Sometimes that is the hardest lesson for us to learn.

2014- The Road Ahead

Last time I posted it was my year in review, so this time I thought I'd lay out the year ahead of me. My personal goals aside, I have quite a few professional goals I'd like to make happen this year. Most importantly will be writing more books. I'd like to have 3 releases under my belt this year, not counting the book I'm contracted for. I'd also like to submit at least one more thing to my publisher, but since this is about self-publishing let's just stick to that.

I'm currently working on a co-writing project with Alexandra. Hoping for that to be released some time in Spring, but for my solo projects I am working on Waking Up In Chains (book two in my Arcadian Veil series) which is paranormal romance, Mirage which is a paranormal erotic romance, and Steamworks- a steampunk BDSM novel.

Steampunk BDSM, you ask? It's a genre that has some very stiff cons but I think and hope I can do it right and put a new spin on some familiar tropes. First risk is that most people think that BDSM books are all about weak females (which it's not) and that steampunk is a genre about empowered females (which is very true). I happen to view both of these genres as having strong females (when written correctly and not having the female act like a wet noodle) and I think that my story fits the way I view things. It shows that there can be strength in submission and women who submit aren't always treated like children by their Doms. And that a good spanking with handcuffs can be fun. The other risk with writing in this genre is being compared to other authors. It seems that the BDSM genre really suffers from this type of stereotyping more so than any other genre. If I were to say to someone "I write science fiction." Most people would not respond with "Oh are you trying to be the next Orson Scott Card?" But if I say to people "I write Erotica." Or "I write BDSM." The first thing out of 95% of people is something snarky like "Oh are you trying to be the next EL James?" or "So you write that 50 Shades of Grey stuff?"

I don’t want to be compared to anyone else, I want to be my own person without having the cloud of everyone else thinking I'm trying to stick the same stuck pig to bleed out some money. It's about telling a story, one I want to read, one that is in my heart and my head, one that these voices tell me constantly and it is just my job to type it all out and hope one or two people read it and say "Wow, I really enjoyed that."

Bottom line is this: In 2009 I found my bliss again, writing. It's something that everyone in my day-to-day life told me I was never good enough for and that I could never do it. In 2010 I started to believe that I could write but only as a hobby. By 2011-12 I knew I wanted writing to be my career, but I still wasn't sure if I had what it would take. I listened to others tell me I was "okay at writing" but that I'd never be "one of the greats" I'd never be "elite" (whatever that means). But luckily I had some great ladies who told me the opposite, who said "You can do this. You are talented." 2013 was an up and down year but in the end I stood up and put myself out there and it paid off and now I have the belief I needed in myself. 2014 is my time to make it happen, learn, fall down, pick myself back up, and keep going.

But the one thing I couldn't do it all without is my friends and my kids. They are my much needed support system, they help me, encourage me, and stand by me. Which is a damn good feeling.

This year will be nothing but hard work, drive, and positive thinking.

What's Next and Being Thankful

This was supposed to go up yesterday but what can I say, I've been a bit out of sorts lately. For those of us in the States it is Thanksgiving, a time to be thankful for what you have and sit around with loved ones stuffing our faces with way too much food. I am so very thankful for all of the support I've been given in the wake of some personal goings-on in my life and for my friends who took time out of their days and nights to keep my book release on schedule. I am equally thankful for everyone who has read Waking Up In Bedlam.

So this year while everyone else is nodding off in a food coma from too much turkey I am sitting on my couch reflecting on what this past year has given me and what I hope to accomplish in the coming year.

This year has been rough, I won't lie, it has been down right dirty. Between life and personal issues, to deadlines, to having a plan and having to then rearrange everything because an amazing opportunity got handed to us, to then having to cram for short deadlines, to this book release, to my first experience with a publishing house and my first round of edits back from them, to these holidays that are going to be a personal trail by fire for me. But at the end of the day I am thankful for the fact that I am still standing, not all of my deadlines got met but I didn't let the opportunity that I wasn't expecting slip out of my hands either. I busted my ass on juggling projects. Some days it was hard, other days it was easy. That's life. And I am thankful for all of it. The ups and downs, dark clouds and silver linings, good days and the bad.

And lastly I am grateful to the friends and readers who have recommended my book to others. I really am still struggling with promotion and marketing so the word of mouth from readers is great. Thank you.

What's next? Hell if I know. That's the truth. I have a project with +Alexandra Webb, we should be wrapped up near the beginning of December (I think). She'll start cracking the whip after Thanksgiving she said. I'm very excited for this project and hopefully it will be the first of many. Next on the list is finishing up a project that is called Steamworks, it was my NaNo and life derailed and took that story with it. And I am slowly plugging away at Waking Up In Chains, the sequel to Waking Up In Bedlam. I can't wait to get that story out. The main characters are just starting to get a little chatty in my brain so hopefully they will start shouting at me soon.

Release Date Jitters

Release day jitters. Plain and simple, my stomach is doing Olympic high-dives every time I think about it. Waking Up In Bedlam has an official release date: November 14, 2013 and to be honest I have no idea what I am doing.

Downfall of self-publishing is that it's all on you. And when you don't know what you are doing it is like swimming in fast drying cement carrying a bowling ball. But here is the game plan.

Alex offered to help me set up a Facebook Event before the launch. I need to start pimping myself out. Maybe posting some snippets, giving away some swag. I need to find some book reviews and hopefully get a couple of reviews before my release date.

All in all, it's a lot to do before the 14^th but hopefully it will help me share my story and my characters with lots of readers who will hopefully enjoy what I've crafted.

I am firmly planted in reality. I know not everyone is going to like what I put out, I know that this won't be easy, I certainly understand that (in most cases) you do not get rich going this route and I don't expect to. I want to share what I've created, I hope that I've done the characters in my head justice, and I hope people enjoy it.

So while I am experiencing some major jitters in regards to actually giving myself a release date I am keeping the date, facing it all head on, and going to do my best to get over my fears and actually promote myself.

In the next week or so I will figuring out my marketing plan, when I have that all sorted out I will share it and we will just have to wait and see how it goes.

The home stretch and the end of your rope.

I'm writing this for Mia, because she's in the home stretch *cheers*. She's ordered her ARCs from Createspace for the paper backs so she and a few others can go through and look for last grammar changes and typos. While all of you are cheering her on, this is what I want to explain to you. This process isn't easy. Trying to balance it with life, isn't easy, none of this shit is easy. There are hours of stress involved, working with Betas, working with covers, an editor and getting ready to release your baby into the world. Those who say that they have no anxiety over releasing a book or a short story are lying to you. In their head they are wondering about bad reviews, missed typos, and haters. There is sleep loss at night and long days of preparing.

So what does an author do when they get to the end of their rope? The home stretch is right there within their reach and it just seems that the world is piling more and more on top of them? The same thing anyone else does. They vent, they breath, they step back, once things ebb a little bit, they get back to it. By things I mean stress. There are deadlines to meet, even in the self-publishing world. Deadlines get things done, stress is a part of that. There are other stresses that aren't writing related, family, jobs (not all writers get to stay at home), health and so on. I can't tell you what Mia does, but I can tell you what I do.

I make a list, things get priorities, does it have to be done by that date? Okay, it gets moved to the top of the list, anything with a due date before that is moved above it. That helps me get a realistic look at what is going on. When it comes to family, obviously they take priority, but I know my situation isn't the same as everyone. I have great friends who help me when it comes to crunch time, they help watch my child for a day while I get work done.  When it comes to health...well to be honest I don't take the best care of myself, but I do know when it's time to say I have to nap with the baby instead of work. The newest thing I do when life tries to drag me down, I run. My thoughts go like this when I approach the treadmill. "This is going to be 30 minutes I could use for something else." I get on, throw on some angry music and go for it. I always feel better after and I always sleep better those nights. It's a win win....

Here's the thing, you have to find what works for you. This is a stressful career, you need to find a way to help curb that stress a little. Meditation, walking, just sitting for a little bit. You won't get anything done if you're too stressed out to think. All work and no play makes Jake a dull boy. Remember that. You don't want to go crazy or you'll burn yourself out. Take time for you, even if that just means switching to a project without a deadline for a little bit.

Let us all wish Mia good luck with Waking up in Bedlam! We all want to see it on the shelf and will be cheering her on as she runs that home stretch! <3

So Close

My SPE is a little late today and short because I've been trying to wrap my head around formatting. It's headache inducing, let me just say that right now.

The good thing about it is that it is one step, one giant step closer to getting Waking Up In Bedlam self-published and in print. I am in a mix of excited, scared, and still not quite sure if it is ready yet. Maybe I will never feel 100% ready. I mean, who is ever completely ready to pour your heart and soul onto paper and then distribute it to the masses not knowing if they are going to love it, hate it, or fall somewhere in between.

Regardless it's time to put it out there. I was hoping for another round of editing before ordering my proofs but time is running out on a couple of fronts, so after I hear back from one of my beta readers, make whatever changes need to be made, I will be ordering some proof copies to go over myself, and to send out as ARC's for whomever I can find to review.

When I finish sorting out the how-to's of formatting I will share what (if anything) I've learned, but so far all I've learned is that my hurts after hours of pouring over formatting guidelines for Createspace. And sadly, I haven't even touched the formatting guides for all the other formats out there.

But with that said:

I am one more step closer to my goal. One more step closer to touching the stars.

Balancing

Life is a balancing act. We all know that and some times the best plans fall through the cracks. I hate when that happens. I'm a scheduler. I like to know what time, when, and where long before it's supposed to happen. However, that rarely happens. I live in a house with my husband, my child, two cats, seven puppies (outside) and one adult dog (also outside), but my life can get unpredictable. So can my writing. I know you've all been waiting eagerly for Mia's Waking up and Bedlam, and I hope you've all been just as eagerly waiting for my In Black and White. The thing is, our writing life kind of caught us by surprised, dragged us under, and held us hostage.

We were both contracted to write books for Ellora's Cave. Crazy, I know. But as this blog is about Self-Publishing, I'll keep that business to a minimum, because obviously, that is not part of SPE. That being said, we've both been busy trying to balance everything, and that's going to happen to you.

As an author, you don't just write one project and say 'I'm done!' Especially as an indie author. If you read any of the marketing books out there for authors, I can promise you with in the top 5 ways to market, "Write the next book." Will be one of them. Okay, well you can write the next book after you edit, spit polish and shine and release the first one, right? Well, that depends on the type of release schedule you want to have and how many series you have. Typically in the traditional author world, it takes about a year for the next book in the series to come, some times six months. And fans are willing to wait for that, especially if they love the author. It can work that way in the Indie world too, but you don't want people to forget your name.

Now, I'm not telling you to write crap and throw it out there, because you want quality, but quantity counts for something too. My point is, never stop writing, figure out how to balance your life, your kids, your husband, your work. Stop making excuses like 'I'm too busy' or 'my day job sucks the life out of me'. I get that. I do, when I wrote one of my first novels I was working three jobs. I wrote on Lunch, between shifts, and late at night, granted I was young then, but I managed. On top of that, learn to roll with the punches, sometimes you have to put a project on hold, or sometimes something unexpected happens for it. Black and White is in limbo until I hear back about something pretty specific for it. It drives me nuts, but I have to work with it.

There's an experiment in Chris Baty's No Plot, No Problem, that I thought worked great for finding time to write. Take an spreadsheet, and put times down the side of it, starting when you wake up and going to your typical bed time. Now, track what you do each hour of your day, once you've done that for a week, go back and look at it. Anything that could be consider a time waister (I.E. Playing Candy Crush on Facebook and hour before bed. Watching that TV show you're really not into, but it was on anyways.) highlight it in red. Now look at that, really look at it and you will see when you can fit writing in.

Here's a glance at my typical weekday (I normally take weekends off for more family time.):
5:30am: Get up, make husband his lunch and breakfast
6:00am: Go back to bed. (you'll see why I do this in a bit.)
8:00am: Get up with daughter, get ready for the day, make both of us breakfast
8:45am: Feed dogs and cats, make sure there are still 7 puppies.
9:00am-11:30am: Spend time with daughter, work with her on shapes and colors, play games, attempt to work with letters. (if there is any independent play time here, I use it to do chores and occasional research.) some times go to the park, that kind of thing.
11:30: Lunch time
12:00 (some times 12:15): Daughter goes down for nap, I work on what ever is on my to-do-list. (writing, editing, blogging etc.)
2:30ish: Daughter gets up from nap, so we read, chase her around, love on her.
5:00pm: Start dinner
6:00pm: Eat dinner
6:30pm: bath time for daughter
7:00pm: Bed time for daughter, work out time for mommy. (this is normally a 30 min run)
7:30pm: Shower
8:00pm-12am: Work, writing, editing, whatever is on my list. My rule is, if I'm too tired to work, I have to go to bed. I can't play games until midnight
3:00am: Get up, feed cat.

So that's kind of how my day goes, I'm sure there are little details missing, but I tend to get a lot done during the day. The point of this post? Balance your life, find the time to get shit done, stop making excuses.

The Writing World

Too many irons in the fire is a phrase that I'm hearing more and more often by my surrounding authors and aspiring authors. One of the blogs I write for was put on hiatus because everyone ended up being too busy to keep up with regular posts. I'm a person who likes to be busy, so when something new and exciting was dropped on my plate, I thought, no problem! Tonight will be my fourth night in a row staying up until midnight to meet minimum expectations for my projects under Alexandra and my projects under my actual name. As I sip my coffee, I can't help but think, 'this is the life of an author.'

Mia has a project that has a deadline of September 13th. That's not a deadline she set, but I can't tell you what the project is. The advantage of self published projects is that you set your own deadlines. You can keep your readers waiting, which I don't recommend, or you can pick a release date, when you're comfortable, to get everyone excited about it. There are authors I know who have been promising a release (without a specific date) for a few months. You can check on their Facebook page, and two months ago they give the same excuses and explanation this month. If you go down this path you have to claim your title. You are an author now. There is stress. There is times you don't want to work, when you need to.

Stress is a killer, but you must find away to work with it instead of against it. If you need to step back, take a nap, take a bath, take a walk, but then get back to work. Don't forget that writing is only part of the job. As my other-self, I have events coming up that I have to prepare for. A book signing at a local store and a convention. Despite the fact that I'm going to be exhausted, I have to be able to participate in the book signing, talk to the people there and appear professional. (They better have coffee!) The convention is a four day commitment that I know I won't get much work done while I'm there, so I have to prepare for it. That means planning deadlines and goals around that. More stress since my newest deadline is November 13th, that means during NaNoWriMo (which is a whole other beast) and a few weeks after the convention. I have to time things just right. Stress, but excitement all the same.

I sit back and look at my WIP list and sigh, I'm scared some of it's not going to get done. I'm scared some of it is going to bomb, and I'm scared I might burn myself out. I have three projects under Alexandra right now, not including the upcoming NaNo: In Black and White Edits, a post apocalyptic story, and Redemption, which I can give more details on later. I won't even get into the WIPs as the other me. I'm not complaining. I asked for this life. I have worked for this dream to become a reality. I'll take everything as it comes. What is important is that you don't let the stress and the fear control you. You are bigger than it, you can over come it. Remember that you have great support and people who are taking this journey with you. You'll find them in some of the most unsuspected places. Chin up and dream big.

Showing Support

Indie writers need support. Doing this whole self-publishing thing is a long and lonely road without support. You need to establish fans, friends, and network your ass off. Seriously. This isn’t a road for the lazy to travel and unfortunately for me I do tend to have a huge lazy bone.

We can make all the excuses we like (and I do!) but the bottom line is when deadlines are looming sometimes life gets in the way and other times we just forget. Today is one of my (many) “forgetful” days. Between life being chaotic and looming self-imposed deadlines stressing me out I have once again forgotten my SPE post. Luckily for me I had already figured out what I wanted to write about, which was supporting those who support you. Isn’t it advantageous that my forgetfulness works into a post about support? Why yes, yes it is.

Anyways, so here I was lying in bed nursing one of my killer headaches that usually lays me out for at least a full day when I get an inbox from Alex gently reminding me that today was my SPE posting day. Alas, when it needs to be done you drag yourself out of bed, pull up your boot straps and get to work. That is what I am doing now.

Now Alex didn’t send me a bitchy email saying “Hey lazy, get off your ass and post! You are messing up my blog!” No, instead she was supportive, knowing what a busy morning I’ve had, she knew that I had just finished eating and was dealing with a headache, it was a gentle nudge, a reminder not a demand. If my headache was already to the point of no return then I wouldn’t have been able to get up and start typing but it is at a moderate pain level that I can deal with for the time being, so I let her know I’d be getting to it. Communication. It is key in every type of relationship, professional or personal, you will ever have. Alexandra and I communicate, if I’m feeling under the weather I let her know, if I forget something she lets me know.

On the Twisted Tales blog we are on there are seven different writers all with different schedules, family lives, spouses, significant others, children, no children, pets, jobs, obligations. We can’t always get our posts out on time, but we try and when we can’t we let the rest of the writers know. Not because we are obligated to, but to communicate so that everyone knows what is going on.  And when we post we do our best to promote everyone’s writing, not just our own. We tag, we share links, and we spread the word for all of us.

Support. It’s a huge thing, sometimes it is the only thing that keeps you going.

Support from colleagues is the same as it is from fans and friends who support your writing. When a friend of mine posts a link to one of my projects, or my author page, or recommends that people follow one of my blogs I always do my best to acknowledge them. These people who recommend my page, or share a link to our blogs, they are doing so because they like what they read and want to share it with others. They aren’t asking for a kickback, they do it because they are great people, great friends and as such I am always extremely grateful.

  

I’ve seen other people who do not acknowledge when a fan shares a link and tags them in a post praising their books, but that is not my style, I can’t be like that. I’ve seen some people flat out ignore fans comments or questions in a thread because they are too busy sharing inside jokes with their close friends. I always think to myself, “I never want to exclude anyone.”

This is all just my own, personal little musing on how I want to conduct myself as a professional. I want to cultivate relationships (friendly relationships, get your minds out of the gutter) with the people who support me. I never want people to see my every post on social networking as “Oh poor me, come listen to me have a pity party for myself. Nobody likes me. I’m getting rid of all my friends. If you don’t talk to me then why are you on my friends list?” kind of thing. Everyone has their moments (and my personal page is different from my author page. On my personal page you will probably see the random bitching about my husband who just did some really dumb thing that made me mad, or you might see me posting about my kids… And honestly a whole lot of food pics but my author page has none of that). We all have our sour moments in life, but we should never be sour when it comes to people showing us love and support.

I got my start writing again in the role playing world, because of that I always try to show mad love to the RPers on Facebook, I promote them on The Indie Writers’ Collective and on my personal page. I show love to other authors that I enjoy reading, the authors I write with at Twisted Tales, and to my friends. My friends, most of whom I’ve met through social media and Facebook Role-Playing, they keep me going. They encourage me and pick me up when I’m feeling down. But even the people who are on my friends list that I am not close with (yet) I still show as much support as possible. Even if it is somebody I don’t talk to, I still enjoy seeing their posts in my newsfeed and “like” their posts.

I hope that one day when I’m an attending author at a convention and someone from FB comes up that they are actually excited to meet me because I’ve been accessible online to them. And yes, I realize that being a featured (or attending) author at a convention is a huge pipe-dream, but you just never know, it might happen for me one day.

And so in this crazy, lonely, scary world of Self-Publishing relationships and support are key.

That is my goal, no matter what happens in my writing career. I will support others and be kind. You never know what someone else might be going through or dealing with, a “like” or a nice comment can sometimes turn someone’s day around and that makes taking a second to show some appreciation, a like-back, or posting a random *hug* to someone who has supported me is totally worth it.

 
<3

Cultivating My Brand & Progress

This is an exciting and frightening time for me.

When +Alexandra Webb  first asked me if I wanted to be part of this experiment I instantly said yes and as the months have passed I have come to realize the importance and the seriousness of that answer. Who would have thought that one simple word—just three little letters would alter my life so dramatically. But it has and it will continue to do so. Every move I make on social media, every blog post, every Tweet, every Facebook status on my author page, every comment has to be carefully weighed against my brand as an author. And yes, authors are brands in and of themselves.  Granted I am a small name, practically unheard of brand, but it is my brand I am trying to cultivate.

At the beginning we each knew we were going to need a “SPE Project” the one work we were going to use to break into the Self-Publishing business to try to make names for ourselves, to see how hard this industry really is to become successful, and to catalog our ups, our downs, our hits and all of our misses. My project for SPE is “Waking Up In Bedlam” and as for my downs, here they are: I’ve been stuck on Chapter 12 for over a month now. I am procrastinating, sometimes not even consciously, sometimes I think the fear of reaching for my dreams triggers something in my brain that says “Let’s take a break even though you’ve only written 12 words and play “Where’s My Perry” for a little bit.” And off I go. Because it is frightening when you are reaching for your dreams. And as the famous quote goes:

 If your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough.

I’ve seen this attributed to Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Albert Einstein, Eminem, Winston Churchill, and Dr. Seuss. I don’t really care who said it (although it is quoted in Madam President Sirleaf’s book, so let’s just go with that), it is the truth. Your dreams should scare the ever-loving-crap out of you. End of Story. And every move you make should be pushing you towards that goal. So yes, I procrastinate. I play “Where’s My Perry” when I should be concentrating, I slack and get distracted by Facebook posts and even worst Facebook drama. But I always manage to pull myself back and remind myself that just because I’m scared of what it will mean for my life when I finish this project that I am only ever a failure, a true failure if I do not try.

So I am still trying. And for the record, Chapter 12 is the last chapter in Waking Up In Bedlam, so far it stands at 52k+ and I’ve already sent Chapters 1-9 out to some of my beta readers, I’ve already gotten feedback and things are looking good. Even while procrastinating my efforts are still going towards my dream and my goal. While I’m playing my stupid Perry game on my iPad I am usually combing through the previous chapters, fixing little things here and there. Even when I’m not posting about my progress I am still focused while goofing off.

I read my manuscript from Prologue to Chapter 12 at least once a week, to alter, edit and make sure I’m not overlooking stuff.  Self-Publishing gets a bad rap for having spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, looking unprofessional, with shoddy editing, and plot holes.  I am striving to make sure that I can polish this baby as best as I can, that I take all of my beta readers advice and suggestions and that I do all that I can so that I do not fall into that stereotype.

I have this reoccurring nightmare that when my book is released it is so bad that I become the most hated person on the internet, the people in my small town all revolt against me and drag me out to the center of town and burn me at the stake with the ONE copy of my book that sold. I wake up in a cold sweat, panting and breathless, usually in tears or screaming. My poor dog and husband probably think I’ve gone insane. I am a writer, I think it is safe to say that my sanity-boat sailed a long time ago.

I don’t want to be burned at the stake, I don’t want to be roasted on the proverbial pyres of the internet either. I am my brand, my brand is me and I want to succeed, even if it means taking longer than I had hoped for the final product.

So where does Waking Up In Bedlam stand as of now? We are at 52k, one chapter left to write. Three chapters left to send out to my beta readers, then it is time to start the editing process. After a couple of rounds of that and final edits it will be good to go. I am aiming for mid-July.

I am also taking an online course for self-editing called “BeforeYou Hit Send” by Angela James. I’m hoping that will help me because I know grammar isn’t my strong suit and because I know I have a lot to learn.

One thing I can say is this: I am proud of myself. I’m proud that I am sticking with this even if it is slow going. I am proud that I am taking steps to get my name out there, to have my name in constant publication, I do that with the Twisted Tales blog. It is a project that is far more than just writing a fun little fairytale, it is more ways of cultivating my brand, my name and having a body of work that others can enjoy on a reoccurring schedule. I am proud that I am stepping outside of my comfort zone to do things like take the “Before You Hit Send” course and setting up my “Smashwords” acct in anticipation of publishing Waking Up In Bedlam. I am proud that my beta readers and friends like my story. I love when they email me that a piece of dialog made them laugh or that they want more. Those things make me feel incredibly good.  It lets me know that I am on the right track.

As for my reoccurring nightmare, I think in time it will pass. I know there will always be haters. People will hate on me and my books without even reading them. I know this, it is the nature of the internet.  I know I will get drive-by 1 star ratings from people who dislike me personally, or don’t like paranormal romance, or who think using the word “cock” means I should burn in hell. These are bound to happen, that I am prepared for. What I fear is letting myself and the people that believe in me down. That would be the worst.

When Something Is Missing

I have been going over my latest NaNo project after deciding that I will be using that as my first self-published short story. I have set a deadline for the first draft which be the end of February but I have run into a snag. The story is “alright” but it is missing something. I can’t put my finger on it, maybe it is missing more description. I think that is one of my biggest issues is that I tend to overlook detailed descriptions because I am always afraid of being “long winded” and boring the reader. So my writing tends to be fast pace and I’m guessing that isn’t a good thing.

So the question I’ve been grappling with this past week is: What do you do when a story needs more?

What do you add, where can you elaborate? Will it be seen as just filler or will it help the reader?

I know that I should just write and anything that isn’t necessary will be caught during edits, but it’s something that I worry about and therefore it is something I get hung up on and can’t move past.

I fear that getting hung up on this is going to derail my goals.

Sorry this post isn’t something more informative, it is just a little rant that I needed to get off my chest.