When does a writer become classified as a failure? Who makes
that decision? Is there a secret number that if you don’t hit it you are
forever ranked as a failure?
There seems to be this idea from non-writers that if the
author they know hasn’t hit the New York Times Best Seller List then they’ve
failed. I don’t agree, but there comes a time when you probably need to
reevaluate what you are doing if you aren’t hitting the goals you set for
yourself. (As long as they are realistic goals)
A couple of things happened this past week that have caused
me a bit of self-doubt and admittedly some tears and made me wonder when someone becomes known as a failure. Is it after they try to do everything that everyone says works and steering clear of the things that supposedly don't work? Or is it just as simple as, they are a failure when they think they are one?
1) I see authors behaving badly on social media. Responding
to bad reviews, calling out their friends for not buying their books, bad
mouthing other authors, and throwing themselves pity parties all because
they’ve been doing this for so long and have nothing to show for it.
They do the one thing that every single Marketing book says
not to do and yet they are top-selling in their genre. Although if you listen
to them they are barely selling, but look at their numbers and they are tops in
their genre.
This leads me to believe that maybe people really do
inherently flock to drama. Maybe these authors aren’t so much “behaving badly”
as they are marketing geniuses!
That’s crazy, you say? Really? On any given post on social
media by an author bashing a bad review, talking about giving up because sales
are low, or threatening to cull their friends lists to get rid of “haters” you
will find – I shit you not- between 25-100+ comments on those threads. Either
backing up the authors claims that the bad review is bullying, ego stroking
them to tell them not to quit and recommending friends to buy the authors
books, or begging to stay in that author’s “Inner Circle” because they are such loyal
fans.
It’s a marketing win! Hello! These people are getting fresh
exposure whenever they do these posts. It’s genius.
I still won’t go that route… But hey, they found something
that works, and even better not a lot people do it (since we all read the books
that say it’s a no-no). They reap the benefits. Good on them, but it still
leaves me feeling blah about my own marketing. And so, I need to reevaluate my
plan. Their plan won’t work for me but my current plan isn’t working so well
either.
2) The other issue comes from family. Extended family, but
family none the less. I could probably just leave it at that, since Family,
even distant family, always knows how to hurt you most. They know the weak
spots in our armor.
An extended family member asked me how my “little writing
thing” was going. When I said, “It’s going.” They asked how many books I’ve
sold… I hate that question. It seems so inappropriate. I would never ask
someone how much money was in their bank account or how much cash they have in
their wallet, but for some reason being invasive is okay when the person is
merely writing “little stories”.
Anyways, I told them my numbers and they gave me one of
these -->
O.O <-- looks and said, “Wow… That’s it? I think it’s safe to say it’s time to throw in
the towel and call it a good try.”
I didn’t feel up to arguing after that ego punch so I simply
nodded and walked away. When I got home I let it eat at me. In truth it is
still eating at me. I started looking at all the things I am doing wrong…
I’m spending too much time with my family. I could be
writing more if we didn’t go do things or if I sent my kids to tutoring instead
of helping them with homework. I spend too much time with my animals. I could
probably learn something like formatting if I didn’t give them so much of my
attention… But honestly these are things that I will not give up.
So I started looking at the other wrongs I’ve committed: I
don’t have a dedicated editor. I rely on beta readers and numerous rounds of
edits. Sure I’ve had people (several different people) edit my books, but I
have no one who I have their full attention because the people I work with also
write for themselves and have work of their own to do. So I started scanning
the internet trying to find someone affordable… Still waiting on that.
I don’t know how to format. I have to rely on others and
hope that I am not imposing on their time to get my stuff formatted.
I don’t know HTML… That could be useful too.
As my extended family member reminded me the other day: Successful
authors pay for editing, formatting, and web-based stuff… Hell they have
assistants, street teams, agents, etc… And I am here trying to do it by myself
with the help of friends and trying to offset favors with trades and in the end
feeling like I am spread too thing and failing.
I told my husband the other night “I’d rather quit than be a
failure.” He said, “You’re only a failure if you quit.” (Which is what Alex
said to me too.)
Would I really quit? No, not really. I just needed to say it
out loud for a moment and embrace my own private pity party. I’ve been writing
and telling stories long before anyone cared to read them. So no I am not
quitting.
I don’t have huge sales, I’m not selling 50 books a month. I
don’t have 100+ comments on my posts, but in the end what I do have is a
handful of real friends who read what I write and tell me they love it. I have
some solid reviews, even if they don’t number in the thousands. And lastly, I
have my kids and ironically an estranged husband who are proud of me for doing
what I am doing and for not giving up and who will always indulge me when I
need to cry, or vent, or have myself a pity party.
That’s really all I need. I’m not here with delusions of
making it big, hitting #1 spots on lists, or to have 5000 friends. I’m here for
me, my stories, and for my friends and family who support me in this adventure.
Am I still feeling blah? Sure, but later today I’ll fire up
Scrivener and write some more, because I can’t – not write – it’s in my blood and
if I stopped I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.
P.S. After writing this all up I received an email about my
Ellora’s Cave book, I got my first blog review for Twisted Revenge and it was a
4.5 star review. That helped make this day less gloomy. So while that has nothing
to do with the self-publishing aspect it serves as a reminder: There’s always a
silver lining.
