Friday, July 19, 2013

Dealing with the negative while remaining professional

Not only is my SPE post two days late, it is also coming to you from my iPad since we are in the middle of a thunder and lightening storm. Some days it's harder than others to get things to work out the way you want them, but what makes a crap day even worse is the realization that not everyone is going to be happy for your successes in life.

What is even harder than dealing with haters is having to stay professional at all times. Many times I've wanted to let loose with a Facebook rant about this, that or the other thing, but I for the most part hold my tongue and especially on my "Author Page", I do not rant or bitch about things big or small. I censor myself on my author page to keep the drama at bay. I want to look professional, I want my author page to look professional. There are many times I say "I want to post this" but then I think about how it will look and it gets deleted and a lot of the time +Alexandra Webb also reminds me to vent to her instead of in public. It's hard when we want to defend ourselves, but it's worth not looking like a fool who just wants drama. This harkens back to my post about branding, I am my brand. So yes, my personal Facebook page might contain a rant about my husband, or posts about my crapass mailman, but you won't find me bashing reviewers or bitching about how I can tell by my sales who of my friends hasn't purchased my books (yes, that is a real rant I've seen on Facebook) on either my author page or my personal page, it's just not done. You keep it professional.

Some things do hurt too deep. Some people know exactly how to rip our hearts out and show them to us. What do you do when need to vent, need to scream and cry and be angry because someone close to you bashed your latest work? Or when a reviewer gives you a 1 star drive by review with no comments? Or when someone calls your work unoriginal? You find a friend you can vent to and you vent in private, not in public. You pick yourself up, rub some dirt on it, and move the fuck on. O.o oh yes, I'm pulling out the curse words now.

Did you hear how self-published authors are lazy hacks? Have you heard that they shouldn't even be in the publishing business if they can't get a contract? How about the fact that its not fair that others paid their dues slinging words for a newspaper or working as an editor for 40 years before they started writing? Or what about the fact that self-publishing is cop-out? Self-published authors don't care about putting out quality work? Etc, etc... The list of bullshit comments that can get you down goes on and on. Haters, man. They are everywhere.

1) vent, rant and rage. In private, that is what email, inboxes, Skype, text messages, and voxer is for.

2) Pick yourself up

3) Rub some dirt on it


Lather, rinse and repeat as needed. 

Look, the honest truth is this: like i said earlier, not everyone is going to be happy for your successes. Whether it's a friend who doesn't support you, an entire family that doesn't understand you, or an entire community that is against how you choose to do things. Everyone is going to have an opinion and not all of them will be good. It hurts when we aren't supported, it hurts when we feel alone. We are creatures who need support and praise. It makes us feel good, reminds us to keep going. Everyone loves a compliment.

In this digital world of anonymity it's easy for others to hide behind a computer scene and hurt you but this is your dream, they can't take it from you unless you let them. You just have to focus, lean on the friends who support you and distance yourself from those who bring you down. Reach out to others. Ask for help, sing the praises of fellow authors, make new friends, work to be the good in this industry because honestly there is way too much elitist bullshit around here and things need to change. Just because something was done a certain way for "x" amount of years doesn't mean that change is bad, change is very, very good. It keeps things from growing stagnant. It's refreshing.

So be professional, be kind, be supportive... But remember that being those things doesn't  mean you have to put up with people or groups or family who put you down or don't support you. They can only affect you if you let them, and yes, it's hard to not let it get you down. That is what wine, chocolate, a nice warm bath, and good books are for; to lift your spirits when the douchebags get you down. Then after a nice glass of wine, or some silky smooth chocolate, or a nice long soak in the tub, or after a couple of chapters of a good book you can get back to your goal. Writing. Because in the end for writers, artists, and creators,  the only thing that fill us up, makes us feel whole (besides our loved ones) is working on our craft, honing our skills, and sharing our work with whomever wishes to see it.

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